“Hey Oscar”
“Hey Little Girl”
The little girl smiled. The shape of a reply formed in her mouth but the ruckus erupting from the open door she sat next to was so loud it killed her reply. She closed her mouth. In her hands was a shabby microwave dinner. She must have just come out to eat it because it was still steaming hot. She looked down into the box.
Oscar listened to the ruckus but said nothing.
“What’s that.” He nodded his head towards the meal pack..
“My dinner.” She started picking at it. Not so much that she wasn’t hungry but because what lay in the hot black plastic tray was the most basic of foods. It was hard to even refer to it as food. Food product maybe was a better term. He picked it out of her hands, looked it over with disdain and smelt it. He withdrew his head backwards from the smell and made a quick low pitched scratching noise with his teeth. He carried it over to the corridor bin and threw it in.
“Heyyyyyyyyy.” she started “I was eating that.”
“No you wasn’t” he answered. “Do you like Caribbean food.”
“Caribbean food.” a complacent look on her face. “Hmmmmm i don’t know”
“What do you mean you don’t know”
“I’ve never had it before. The Caribbean is a big place. I’ve had creole food from Guadalupe”
“Hmmmm” he nodded while frowning.
He walked to the front of his door and pulled out his keys.
Opening the door he pushed it open with one hand and stood to one side.
“Come on then. You can see if you like Jamaican food.”
She started towards the open door, however she jumped up so quickly she tripped over her own feet, hurtling forward like a sprinter launching off from a four point start, ricocheting shoulder first off the adjacent corridor wall and crashing into the floor.
Oscar made the low teeth scratching sound again.
“Yes that’s it, Kill yourself” he said under his breath.
Lily jumped up off of the floor like a shot.
“Oh My Gosh” she whined in embarrassment.
She stood there for a moment. The embarrassment of her dropping in front of Oscar turning her face bright red. With one hand on her hip she looked up and around at the ceiling trying to hide in plain sight, wishing that she didn’t just fall. She ran her free hand across her brow and down the side of her face.
“Come ON” Oscar chuckled walking into his flat. “or shall I leave you out here? Go on then Lily bruk yuh neck”
“That’s not funny Oscar. That really hurt just now.” she followed behind and closed the door.
Once inside Oscar went straight into the kitchen. He turned on the stove’s gas fire under a silver pot. Lily made herself comfortable and sat down on a stool in front of the kitchen counter. This was her favourite spot at Oscars. She had been in his flat many times, on the odd occasion when she had forgotten her house keys and had knocked at his door or as a typical neighbour coming over to borrow some sugar or milk, rice milk rather as Oscar didn’t drink cows milk. He said cows milk was from Babylon’s shop, Lily didn’t understand what it meant but that was fine. She’d grown rather fond of rice milk and it had replaced their usual full fat whole milk consumption at home entirely. This was the first time however Lily had eaten at Oscars. Lily loved food. Her best friend was from Guadeloupe and she often ate creole food at her house. Lily wondered if it would be the same. Oscar received a phone call and went to work in the kitchen. He motioned to her Lily to go wash her hands. Lily’s hands were clean but she went to wash them anyway. She loved using Oscars bathroom. In fact, she loved being inside his flat period. Although it was technically the same size and shape as Lily’s Oscars flat seemed a lot bigger, the decor was miles different. Lily’s flat was constantly under decoration. Each room had lots of odd jobs that needed to be finished. Once her mum and dad had started one room it often got left unfinished for an indefinite amount of time. Then onto the next. Oscar’s flat as Lily’s mum put it was a bachelors pad. It was in Lily’s own words Delish!
Lily came out of the bathroom to a smell that got her taste buds watering.
“Oh my gosh that smells amazing”
Oscar smirked a bit.
“What is it “
“Ital stew”
“What”
“I T A L Stew”
“What’s that”
“Its vegetarian stew.”
“So why did you call it Ital.”
“Because that’s what it’s called.”
“But you just said its vegetarian stew.”
“Yute Yuh give pure back chat.”
“What..”
“Just sssshhhhhh.” He put his fingers to his lips.
He put down a spoon for her on the kitchen counter table. Oscar took two rectangular shaped plates from an overhead cupboard. He took the lid off the pot and used a ladle to serve the stew. He placed one plate in front of Lily and dished up the other one for himself.
Lily picked up the spoon and was about to dive in.
“Hmmmmm excuse you.” Oscar interrupted her. “I haven’t finis……”
Before Oscar could complete his sentence Lily buried her spoon into the stew and popped it into her mouth.
“Ohhhhhhhh Myyyyyyyyyyyy Gosssshhhhhhhhhhhh” Lily called out her eyes lighting up. “Is there rice”
“I’ve got something better than rice.”
Oscar opened and took from his oven a long tray which held numerous large circular type of flatbread. He folded one and placed it on the side of Lily’s plate making short gasping noises as the piping hot bread burned his fingers.
“Naan Bread” she asked
“Nope Roti”
“Rotiiiiiiii” Lily said examining the roti.
“Just take a bite.”
She watched Oscar tear the roti with his hands, dip it into the stew, then into his mouth. She copied him.
“Ohhhhhh Myyyyyyyy goshhhhhhhh”
They ate without speaking. It was unusual for Lily to eat without speaking but she didn’t utter a word. She couldn’t. She was devouring every mouthful of his cooking. He didn’t speak because he was completely happy watching her eat his food so energetically. She took the last final spoonful of Ital stew and let the last piece of roti follow it into her mouth. When she had finished chewing she got off the stool and went towards the open plan living room and fell backwards onto his sofa rubbing her gorged belly.
“Oscar”
“Yeah”
He was watching her from over the counter, delighted in the fact that she enjoyed his cooking to such an extent.
“Is that where you’re from. Ital” she asked.
“Whatttttttt.”
“You said it’s called ‘Ital stew’ so I’m asking is that where you’re from. You know where you was born.”
“I’m British. I was born here.”
“Oh. Is your family from Ital then.”
He let out another scratching noise coming from his mouth. It was a sound made culturally in the caribbean when someone irritated or annoyed you. Its known as ‘kissing your teeth’.
“This girl.” He said under his breath.
“Firstly my family is from Jamaica. Secondly Ital isn’t a place. It’s just the name in patios that we call vegetarian dishes.”
“Oooh I know some patios.” Lily face livened up but she didn’t move an inch from where she sat. Hands patting her stomach. “It’s like the local lingo. It’s a broken English. My bredrin Josey taught me at school.”
“Watcha.” Oscar exclaimed. He noticed Lily was smiling to herself. He had picked up on her first attempt to start using Patois with the use of the word bredrin. The Jamaican equivalent to friend or mate. The root of the word being brethren. He fought back a smile.
“So let’s hear what you know then.”
“Ok ok ok.” She started twirling her pigtails. A nervous habit she had. “I know some.
Quam quam mi bredha.”
“Whatttttttttttt”
“Quam quam me Breda.”
“Yeah I got the ‘me Breda’ bit but What’s ‘Quam quam’?
“Quam quam! You know. Quaaaaam Quaaaaam” She spoke it more slowly and louder.
“Saying it LOUUUUUDER isn’t going to help me understand you.” Oscar mimicked her tone. “We don’t say Quam quam”
“Omg yes u do Josie told me” Lily sat up..
“I think Josie is messing with you.”
Lily started to get serious.
“No she wouldn’t do that. Andddd..’ she jumped up to sit facing his direction.
“I’ve heard people saying it.” As lily said it she sank back down into a slouching position. Her head snaking from side to side. Her mouth in an upside down smug smile.
Oscar laughed internally to himself. This Girl he thought.
“You’ve heard, people saying, Quam Quam” He said it really slowly to emphasize his disbelief.
“Yesssss”
“Jamaican people”
“Yessssssaaaaaaughhh.” Lily’s face started to flare red.
“I don’t think so. Oscar replied dismissively. Placing the bait unto the hook.
“Ohhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyy gooooooooosssssshhhhh.” Lily screamed
The bait was taken.
Oscar laughed, from her reaction, out loud to further antagonise her. It was one of his traits or habits. He enjoyed watching people’s reaction. He enjoyed watching how just a little poking and prodding could generate a series of vast uncontrolled emotions. It often gave him pleasure to watch people lose control and become slaves to their emotions. It was a trait which often surfaced in him.
“Oh my gosh. It’s true. I’m going to text Josie right now. Oh my gosh” She ranted while she took out her mobile and started thumb typing on the screen. “ oh my gosh, I’ve heard it so many times. Oh my gosh.”
Oscar laughed for a moment replaying the phrase in his head a few times. He looked at Lily. Poor little girl he thought. kids can be so cruel. Oscar thought of her friend Josie. He had seen the two together many times. The two were like sisters. They would walk home together, dress the same, do their hair in the same style, everything. They were a complimentary pair of twins. He had noticed Josie from the beginning actually. She was extremely beautiful. She had dark flawless mahogany skin with these wide brilliant eyes. She always wore her hair either in an Afro or Cornrows. She had fantastic hair. She looked exactly like her mother Marrisa. He knew Josie mother from before. They had grown up together. Oscar’s mind lingered in a distant past, remembering something that brought a smile to his face but which as quickly as it had appeared suddenly vanished. He brought his thoughts back to the present not wanting to get caught up into fantasy. He concluded that Josie must be playing a mean joke on Lily. He said it one more time in his head.
Quam Quam meh breda.
Oscar’s eyes suddenly lit up. He erupted with laughter over the counter. It was a good hearty laugh that came from his stomach and made his eyes water. He leaned forward on the kitchen counter. He laughed so hard that he had to hit the table a few times to in order to force himself to breathe. He said the phrase out loud.
“Quam Quam me breda.”
“Whatttttttt” The sound of Lily’s voice became whiny.
“Qu……am … Qu…..am” His laughter continued.
“Whaaaaauuuuuuuttttttttt. Shuuuuuut uuuuuuppppp.”
Oscar tried to talk. His eyes blurred with tears. His stomach really hurt. Especially after eating all that food.
“It’s not Quam Quam.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Its wha Gwan….. what’s going on… Wha Gwan…Me Breda. It’s like what’s up or whats going on.”
“Are u sure.”
“Yes I’m sure.” He burst out laughing again.
“No way.” Lily picked up her phone again. She looked at Oscar with narrowing eyes. Lily held the phone in one hand, the screen facing up in front of her mouth. Oscar could hear the ringing over loud speaker. She waved a hand at him to be quiet, her narrow eyes staring directly at him. Oscar raised his eyebrows and forced himself to contain his laughter.
Josie answered the call.
“hello”
“Quam quam me Braeda” Lily answered
“Quam quam girl.” Josie answered
“Josie I’m with Oscar. You know my next door neighbour and he’s saying it’s ‘whaaaaaa gwan’ not quam quam”
Josie erupts with laughter but doesn’t answer.
“Josie why are you lauffffinggggghhh”
Josie laughs even More and still doesn’t answer.
“Josieeeeeeeeeeeeeee.” Lily screams. Her attention has turned from eyeing down Oscar to eyeing up her phone.
“Be…. Because he’s right.” Josie finally answers while still laughing. “There is no such thing as quam quam.”
“Oh my gosh Josie why did you tell me quam quam then”
“No one told you quam quam. I told you wha gwan but you heard quam quam” more laughter behind the words.
“So why didn’t you tell me.”
“Because quam quam is bare funny.” Josie erupted with more laughter.
And so did Oscar, he couldn’t contain it any longer.
Lily screamed down the phone. Then hung up.
“Bitchhhhhhhhh” she threw herself backwards onto the sofa, wailing, slapping and elbowing the cushions.
“Oiiiiiii. Dat’s It ” Oscar called through tears. “Mash up mi good good sofa.”
She stopped flailing about with her arms folded laying back staring at the ceiling.
“Yuh mad? Behave Yourself.”
Oscar had a habit of jumping into the Jamaican Patois. It was something he picked up from his parents. Most 2nd generations born in the UK often spoke a mixture of the two. The Queen’s English being the preferred tongue at home but the patois always seemed to creep in when one was being told off or reprimanded. It was kind of the thing.
Oscar was distracted by a sharp smell coming from behind him. He reached into the oven and took out a smaller baking tray. The smell of apple and rhubarb crumble filled his flat with a hint of cinnamon and nutmeg. He placed it on the kitchen counter. It was piping hot, too hot to eat, the juices from the apple and rhubarb boiling up from the side of the crumble.
“Come on. It was funny.”
Lily didn’t answer. She just continued to lay on the sofa shaking her head.
“I’m going to kill herrrrrrrrrrrr.”
“Sssshhhh” Oscar said softly.
This was one thing that always annoyed Oscar. A question he couldn’t answer but had asked himself so many times. Why do little girls always scream when they talk to you? Especially the teenagers. It was like a default setting on their voice level. He could always hear Lily and Josie coming home from school or walking past his door in the corridor. Screaming, laughing and cackling at each other. Once they went inside the house the loudness disappeared.
Lily sat brooding on the sofa. She finally looked up at Oscar. Who was tidying up the kitchen. Lily brought over her used plate, which didn’t look dirty at all as she used a few extra pieces of Roti to wipe the Ital stew clean off the plate.
“Oscar”
He replied humming acknowledgement.
“Why does your flat look like this.”
Oscar turned around from the sink, hands still in water and looked around. Looking for some kind of mess or something out of place.
“What do you mean” he answered.
“I mean we’re next door neighbours and our place doesn’t look like this”.
“Oh” Oscar rarely had been inside Lily’s flat over the years. He always stood outside in the corridor talking to her parents. On the odd occasion that he had gone inside he had regretted it. It was a dump. Always being decorated. One project would start while the previous project was left to one side. Always bits and pieces, paint, brushes, wall paper, white spirit all over the place. Oscar wasn’t the tidiest person in the world or the cleanest but he definitely couldn’t live in that kind of condition. A building site.
“Well ummmm I have a bit of money.” He answered
“Are you rich.” Lily enquired. “Dad said that your bachelor pad would have cost you a few bob.”
“No I’m not rich” Oscar laughed solemnly.
“Do you have an amazing Job and earn hundreds and thousands every Year?”
“I have a good profession and I earn OK every year”
“How Much”
“Enough”
“How much is enough”
Oscar tallied up his profits from last year in his head.
“About £90k”
“Wow that’s allot.” she paused “Is that enough to have a bachelor pad”
Oscar smiled
“Well I don’t think so but when I was young my parents left me a large inheritance”
“Whats that? Inheritance”
“A big sum of money.”
“Oh wow how often do you get that.”
“Unfortunately with each parent, just once.”
“Oh my gosh that’s so stingy why do they only give it to you once. If they have the money and they love you they should give it to you all the time.”
“Well it doesn’t really work like that but you could say they gave it to me because they loved me in the first place.”
Oscar felt his throat starting to become sticky. It was a rare feeling. One he hadn’t felt for a long time.
“Ahhhhh the crumbles ready”
Lily’s face lit up. Oscar walked over to the sofa with a tray. Smelling the desert for the first time Lily breathed it in with delight. She skipped over to where she sat before, sat down, eyeing the tray.
“Do you want some custard.”
She nodded slowly, trying to maintain her frown which was slowly curling up into a smile.
“Well I don’t have any.”
Lily’s face scuffed and she stared at him as if to say well then why did you just ask me?
“But this is better than custard.” Oscar produced a tin.
Lily looked questioningly at the tin. This time she voiced her thoughts.
“So why did you ask me about custard if you don’t have any custard” she tutted.
“Well i don’t have any custard but this is better than custard.” He presented the tin. “And if you like custard then you’ll love this.”
Lily took the tin from him. She read the label.
“MILK” she mouthed. Her mouth and her nose snarling in anticipated disgust.
He handed her an old fashioned can opener.
“It’s not just milk it’s evaporated milk.” She looked at him blankly. “Trust me. Now bust the ting.”
She looked at the can opener and looked back at him confused. He kissed his teeth again.
“Take the sharp end and hook it onto the can like a bottle opener and lift it up.”
Lily followed his instructions. Rather than the tin lid popping off the sharp end sunk into the tin piercing it. Lily gasp looking back at Oscar who nodded.
“Now do it again on the opposite side.” he instructed
She followed, making another incision.
Oscar took the old school opener from her and placed it onto the table.
“Yuh Generation Z pikney nuh know bout dem tings dere.” he scuffed in patios.
Holding his bowl he extended it towards her with an upward nod of his head. She poured some over his crumble and stopped looking at his face for reference. He nodded again and she continued to pour until he motioned with his free hand to stop. Oscar grabbed two spoons from the tray, gave her one, sat back and took a spoonful of his desert. She poured the rest of the evaporated milk over her own, sat back and sniffed the desert. Oscar kissed his teeth once again. Pretending to focus on his own desert but watching her from the corner of his eye. Lily took a slow sceptical spoonful and place it into her mouth.
Her eyes opened wide.
“Oh My Gosh”
Oscar sat on his side of the sofa spread out, head back, looking up at the ceiling patting his stomach. Lily sat on the other end, facing him back against the arm rest, her knees cradled up against her chest. They both sat still. Too full to move. It was uncomfortable to move. Lions often spread themselves out to nap after gorging on a carcass. They did likewise.
“That was soooooo nice. You’re really a good cook”
“Thanks Lily. You’re very welcome.” he answered still looking up at the ceiling patting his stomach. I was surprised you ate so much. For such a slight little thing you can really chow down.”
“I haven’t had a meal like that for a long time. A home cooked one.” Lily paused as if she wanted to say a number of things but didn’t know where to start.
“Oscar. Earlier you said your parents loved you. As in used to. Don’t they love you anymore? Did you fall out with them.”
Oscar looked at Lily. He was surprised that she picked up on his choice of words. Maybe her own situation of sitting out in the hallway made her more privy to it.
“No Lily. We didn’t fall out. My parents aren’t alive anymore. They both died when I was very young.”
“Oh sorry”
“Don’t Be. It’s not your fault.” Oscar cleared his throat. “How old are you?”
“14”
“I was your age when my dad died and I just turned 18 when my Mum passed away. So when they died, I got a lot of money.”
“Do you miss them”
“Everyday”
“I miss my parents”
“What do you mean? Your parents are still here.”
“Dad is normally working late and mum is…” Lily paused trying to find the right word “mum is usually distracted.”
Distracted.This time it was Oscar’s turn to notice Lily’s choice of words.
“Hmmmm..mmm how is James I haven’t seen him for a while” Oscar watched Lily closely. He didn’t want to pressure her.
“Dad is fine. Just working long hours. I don’t really see him that much during the weekdays but we catch up during the weekends.”
Oscar nodded, He knew all about that. In Fact he knew both sides of that story. A hard working dad who couldn’t spend much time with his child to a dad who had all the time in the world to spend with his child but didn’t know what to do with himself. The two stayed silent for a while. Lily not knowing what to say next and Oscar fearing what he was about to hear. The sound of muffled noises of an argument still burning next door interrupted their uneasy silence.
“I can barely hear them from here” Lily stated. Cocking her head to one side. Trying to listen closer. “Being in there it seems so loud”
“It is Loud or rather it was loud but I could only take so much of your parents so I got the walls soundproofed, so now there’s almost no noise”
“Almost” Lily replied. Even though she faced him she had a glazed look over here eyes. A tired look. A look of someone who had been dealing with something not meant for a person of her years to be dealing with.
“Things not too good at the moment” Oscar asked.
Lily shook her head. “Not too good for a while.”
Oscar really didn’t want to press the issue but he knew first hand that sometimes just talking to someone about things was a huge relief. It was an effective way of getting things off your chest. Even if it didn’t actually resolve anything.
“What do they argue about” Oscar probed.
“I’m not really sure. Its weird. My dad starts to talk to my mum. He doesn’t want me to hear so he talks really quietly and then my mum just starts to get angry and flips out. And then they have these big rows.”
A number of different scenarios popped up into Oscars head.
“Do you think hes…. You know” Oscar looked down into his empty bowl.
“What” Lily suddenly snapped out of her trance and focused directly on Oscar.
“I mean hmmm.” Oscar cleared his throat. Do you think your dad has maybe been unfaithful or fallen for someone else.”
“Nooooo.” Lily face scrunched up again. “I don’t think My dad is the problem.”
“Yuh Mumma?”
“What”
“Your Mum?”
“Yes I think my mum has been acting weird.”
First distracted now weird. It almost sounded like Lily herself didn’t quite know what was going on with her mum.
“Weird how?”
Lily quickly changed the conversation.
“Do you like Nintendo?”
Lily jumped up in her seat and faced Oscar’s Flat screen TV that sat in front of the sofa. Oscar felt uneasy about what Lily had started to open up to him. He wondered for her sake if he should continue to press her. Lily looked straight ahead. She knew he was watching her. She was hoping that he would drop it.
“Yeah I do like Nintendo.” Oscar sighed. “I’m surprised you know about dem tings”
Oscar abandoned the conversation. Sometimes just being a friend is enough.
“Of course I know about Nintendo.” she reached into her bag and pulled out a hand held device. “Wanna play me.”
“Come nuh”
“Huh”
“Yes Yessssss Yute”
“Oh”
“I thought you knew the lingo”
“Clearly not but yute means like kid right.
“Yes it does.” Oscar looked at the device. “but is that game a two player”
“Yes”
“Come wid it. set up the ting”
Lily started to pull out some cables from her backpack. She jumped up from the sofa and made her way behind Oscar’s Flat widescreen TV. She started to connect things. She looked like she knew exactly what she was doing so Oscar let her get on with it. While she was seeing to the TV there was a slight knock at the door which Lily didn’t hear. Oscar got up and walked towards the door. Looking at the clock. It was late. He opened the front door. It was Lily’s mum. She stood in the hallway in front of Oscar. She didn’t look quite like herself. More flustered, a bit dishevelled and extremely fidgety. Oscar started to see what Lily meant by weird. She fidgeted from one foot to the other. Kind of like a young child who needed to go to the toilet but wasn’t able to relieve themselves. She was looking down the hall talking to someone.
“Hey” Oscar called to her, but she hadn’t noticed he was there.
She continued talking down the hall. Oscar stuck his head out and looked down the corridor. There was no one there. He looked back at Lily’s mum who was still in conversation. Actually even though Oscar stood two to three feet away from her she hadn’t noticed that he had even opened the door. Drunk Oscar thought. He looked her over and leaned forward to sniff. There was no hint or stink of alcohol. Was she cheating on James with alcohol. No Oscar didn’t think so. He knew the smell of liquor splashed and dried over one’s clothes. It wasn’t this. There was a stranger unfamiliar smell which lingered but it definitely wasn’t liquor. What was it? Oscar lent in a bit more. That is weird. Oscar thought to himself.
“HEY” he said with more umpft. Lily’s mum jumped.
“Hey Oscar” she smiled at him like he had just opened the front door.
“Is um, oh sorry to bother you Oscar. Is um Lily here”
Oscar Nodded and moved to the side so that she could see Lily tinkering with Oscars TV.
“Hey You come on.” Lily’s mum summoned
Lily jumped up from behind the TV and ran to the front door.
“Thank You Oscar for dinner it was lovely”
Before he could answer Lily grabbed her mums hand and pulled her towards their own flat door. Lily’s mum waved a slight goodbye to Oscar but again her attention turned towards something down the hall. Lily pushed her inside the flat with outstretched arms. Lily’s mum seemed to call something out in the direction she was looking in but Oscar didn’t catch it. He stuck his head out and watched them disappear through their door, which softly but promptly closed behind them. Oscar looked back down the hall again but no one was there. He caught another whiff of that strange smell from where lily’s mum had been standing. It was definitely an unusual smell. Oscar couldn’t quite put a finger on it. He walked back into his flat and closed the door behind him. He walked slowly inside listening. Trying to hear if the argument had started back up again but there was hardly any sound. It had ended. He walked over to the coffee table by his sofa and collected the empty bowls and put them on the tray. They were all clean. Not one bite was left. He smiled to himself. As he picked up the tray he realised faint music coming from the sofa. In the corner of the arm rest Lily’s handheld game lay upside down. She must have forgotten about it when she jumped up to her mother’s call. It was on. Oscar recognised the theme tune. It was from a game he had played as a child. He would have been younger than Lily probably. The theme wasn’t exactly the same. A newer version but still an iconic classic. Oscar picked up the game while sitting down and pushed the tray to one corner. He watched the screen of the game and a massive smile washed over his face. This Italian plumber still wearing these same old dungarees he joked to himself. He sat back into his sofa and pressed the start button.
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