Oscar walked up the stairs to his apartment block. His hands were shaking as he reached for the railing. His throat was sticky. He had decided to walk up the stairs to shake off the feeling, it wasn’t as bad as when he had left the party but it was still there, still lingering. When he reached the landing he looked down the corridor. Lily was in her usual spot huddled on the floor. Her knees up against her chest. A tall man was stooped over her. He was kissing her affectionately on the cheek and around her head. Her arms were wrapped around his shoulders. He was whispering something to her and she just nodded. He gave her a final embrace then stood up. He had a large backpack on his back and a stuffed duffel bag on the floor. He grabbed the duffel bag while wiping his eyes. Oscar held back. He recognised the man was James. Lily’s dad. Oscar had never met Lily’s biological father. Lily was two maybe three when he had bought this flat and moved in. James came shortly after that. Even if he wasn’t Lily’s biological father he was definitely her real dad Oscar knew that much. Lily’s mum and James had tried for more kids over the years but had lost two. They stopped trying after that. Oscar knew very little about James although from what he could tell, James was a pretty decent guy. He had taken to Lily like she was his own and as far as Oscar was concerned he had always done right by Lily’s mum.
What’s happened? Oscar Thought. He always knew the two had an extremely vocal relationship. That’s why he had his flat sound proofed. They had been loud neighbours for years, especially Lily, she was the loudest, but every relationship has its own dynamic make up. For years they would shout at each other but whenever Oscar saw them together they always looked happy. Play fighting with each other, giving each other pinches or kissing in the hallway, having a quiet moment away from the prying eyes of their daughter.
It must be embarrassing as parents to have an intimate moment under the gaze of their child Oscar thought. After going shopping together James would give Lily’s mum a piggyback down the hallway while she carried the grocery bags. Her head tucked in the back of James Neck kissing him affectionately. So what could have happened? Oscar realised in the grand scheme of things he only ever saw them for a brief few seconds every other day. He had no idea what happened behind their closed doors.
Was It something Big? Oscar regarded James. Had he been unfaithful. James was a good looking guy, a native Londoner, white, english, he was shorter than Oscar who was 6ft1 but not by that much. Oscar never knew James’ official age but he thought James was 5 or 6 years older. His hair was short, well kept and cut, mousey brown in colour. It had a few streaks of grey highlighting it. James kept himself fit. He was a finance specialist by profession and often countered the long hours stuck in an office by running. He had run the London Marathon more than a few times so he was an accomplished runner. Oscar often saw James training in the area in a running group. Oscar would often give a backwards glance as they ran past to watch the women with their tight lycra pants on. James Would often joke with him that he knew “brothers liked big butts and they could not lie” Oscar would often joke back “I’m not lying and who’s my brother My parents only had one pikney.” Could James have run into some infidelity with one of his training partners? Oscar struggled to see it. James is a good guy. Surely he isn’t like that! Or was It even James?
In these situations people are very quick to blame the man. Like it was the default male failing that men always cheat. As if men had a genetic predisposition to cheat on their partners.
It could have been Lily’s mum Oscar thought. Lily had said that her mum had been acting strange. Maybe that’s how it went down. Did she cheat on James? Was she acting funny around the house? The guilt eating away at her until James figured out that something was wrong. Sometimes the guilt of one’s infidelity can cause subtle but noticeable changes in one’s behaviour. Alerting the other with a small bell that rings ‘something isn’t right’. Then that subtle little ring turns into a gradual chime that reverberates inside your gut. Shaking your insides, getting louder and louder until it vibrates through your very core, liquidising the intestines.
Yes she had done it. She had used her womanly essence to run off the tracks. When the poor man had been off at work earning money for his family or off keeping fit to look good for his wife she had been shacking up with some next man. Just distributing the pumpum to some wasteman. Dutty gal. Can’t trust women these days. A man works hard and they just repay him by stepping out. Dressing up all sweet and nice. Smelling like…
Oscar caught himself. His imagination making wild accusations in his head. Lily’s mum wasn’t like that either, he didn’t think. But in the end what did he know. Seeing people briefly in the corridor is not enough to know them completely. People spend most of their waking hours with their work colleagues. 7h30m. How well do people actually know them? The people that you spend most of your time with. Oscar realised he knew nothing about them. The person he had spent the most time with over the years with this family was Lily. Oscar couldn’t help but think back to the weird smell coming from Lily’s mum the other day when she was standing in the corridor. Was she using some kind of drug? It wasn’t marijauna. Oscar knew the smell of weed or ‘Herb’ as his uncle called it. Oscar never smoked the stuff but he knew Lily’s mum never smoked it either. Did her smell have something to do with their breakup. Was it her Hygiene. Was she unwell? Oscar had read that a symptom of mental health, depression or anxiety was a lack in one’s personal hygiene. Was she going through some kind of break? Oscar didn’t want to speculate any further. It was a bad habit making assumptions. Someone can concoct a thousand and one fake or unrealistic scenarios in their head. Usually though the reality is always very simple.
Oscar held back. He didn’t want to interrupt what was going on. He knew that once he got to a certain distance they would notice him. Even if he managed to get to his front door and try to silently work the lock they would notice him, so he froze and stood still, trying to blend into the distance. James suddenly noticed him. He gave Oscar a long deep glance. He didn’t say a word, just a slight short nod and forced a smile through reddened eyes. Oscar returned the same forced smile and nodded his head. He knew what time it was. There was nothing that needed to be said. James turned his attention back to Lily and whispered something once more. Lily shook her head. Oscar thought he heard her say something along the lines of “can’t or I can’t”. James kissed her a final time on her forehead, grabbed his bag, walked down the other end of the corridor, opened the emergency fire exit door and was gone.
Oscar didn’t move. He stayed still.
Suddenly Lily’s mum came through the front door. She looked down the hallway past Oscar then down the other end where James had made his exit. Lily jumped up. Her distress fuelled her assault.
“You Bitch” Lily pushed her mum towards the fire escape. “ This is all your fault. You can’t leave anything alone. Can you. Can Youuuuuu.”
Lily’s Mum made her defense but it wasn’t audible to Oscar. It sounded more like babel than actually words.
“Speak English You Bitch” Lily Grabbed her mother’s shirt. Tears streamed down Lily face into her mouth. Spit flew with her words. “You do know how to speak English. Don’t you”
Lily threw a wild punch at her which hit her on her shoulder.
“Lily” Oscar called out.
“What’s wrong with you? are you sick or just stupid.” Lily ranted.
Lily’s mum continued to babel. Turning in different directions as if answering questions from multiple people.
“Stop it you Bitch.” Lily threw more punches. “I hate you, I hate your guts. You’re a sick bitch. I fucking hate you.”
“Lily that is enough.” Oscar ran over grabbing her wild flailing strikes. “Lily that’s enough. That’s your mother. Don’t hit your mum.”
“I don’t care. I don’t fucking care.”
Even though Oscar held Lily’s hands she still reached out to try to hit grab her mum. Clawing at the space between them. Trying desperately to get at her. Oscar had a hard time keeping Lily away. She had a surge of power that had taken him by surprise and she was proving hard to keep hold of. Half kicking and screaming, half trying to break his hold on her.
“Lily stop it, that’s enough” He pleaded.
She Spluttered, coughed and choked. Tears and spit gushing from her eyes and mouth. Her mum looked at her in bewilderment as if she almost didn’t understand why Lily was behaving this way. Oscar lost his hold of Lily and again she flew for her mother. This time her hands were out stretched and reaching straight for her mother’s face. Luckily Oscar scooped her off the floor in his arms. Lily fingernails just scraping past her mum’s face. Oscar held her tight. It was easier to hold her now she was off the floor. That sudden power she had mustered had dissipated into the air. Lily wailed in Oscars arms, her mum stepped towards her.
“Stop!” Oscar called out. “Go in the house”
Lily’s mum looked at Oscar and then at Lily flailing in his arms.
“ Go into the house and cool down. I’ll deal with Lily.”
She suddenly spun round. Babbling to something behind her then she slowly edged towards the open door.
“Ok Lily” she said “ play nicely with Oscar not too rough.” And she slowly crept into her flat. A strange nervous smile on her face.
Oscar brought Lily past his front door and further down the corridor and set her down on her feet.
“That IS ENOUGH”
Lily froze. Tears continued to run but she held her words. Leaning on the wall she sank down onto the ground. Head in her arms. Oscar rested his hand on his hip. A treacle of sweat dripped down his forehead. He suddenly realised that he was breathing heavily.
What on earth? He thought to himself. What is going on here?
Lily’s head remained buried in her arms resting on top of her knees. She fought bitterly to muffle the sounds of her sobs in the nape of her jumper but it was in vain. Oscar felt his throat tighten again. That same stickiness he had as he climbed up the stairs slowly returned. His feet snailed to his door. He listened to her sobbing while he reached for his door keys. His hands weren’t shaking anymore. He knew that was probably the last time he’d see James again. Man has had enough he thought. Now that he looked back on it, Oscar had noticed James spending more time with Lily than with her mother. He probably hung around this long for her. Oscar had lived in his flat for 12yrs. Lily was 14. James had been here for a long time. What do you say to a child whose father has just walked out on her. Oscar was a few years younger when he’d lost his own father. The keys in his hand started to shake. His throat squeezed him. He remembered the casket full of crap people told him to try and make him feel better during the funeral. Trying to add comfort where there was no place for it. Was he going to do the same for her? It seemed likely. For a long moment Oscar held onto the lip of the key socket. The key in his hand just hovering and shaking. He couldn’t tell her that James would be back. He probably wouldn’t. “It will be ok” was too much of a cliche comment. It might not be ok.
“Uhhh……mmm…. “ He stumbled over his words and it trailed off.
He didn’t have to say anything else, that was enough. Lily shot up from the floor and flew in his direction, crashed into his chest, wrapping her arms around him. She buried her face deep into him as she sobbed into his clothes. She pulled at the back of his top with clenching fists. Her crying sputtered out. Her breath was erratic. Short sudden laboured breathes in. Long distressed sobs out. He held her head with his open hand. ‘Ummmm was enough.’
The door to Lily’s flat had suddenly closed, Oscar opened his own and led Lily inside Who still clung to him. He closed the door gently behind him. He took Lily over to his sofa, dropped his keys down on the coffee table and slowly sat down cradling her head to him. Lily nested into the sofa. Her knees edging into the back cushion, her trainers hanging off the front. Her sobs where heart wrenching. He could feel his shirt getting damp from her heat, tears and spit. Oscar struggled to find the right words but nothing came to his mind so he just kept quiet.
Sometimes when words won’t do just being there will.
He stroked her hair and pressed his cheek against her head. He gave her a gentle “sssh” sound like the one a parent gives to soothe their crying baby to stop them from crying. Lily didn’t stop. Parents put their children through a lot he thought. Maybe that was why he himself never had any children. It was something he never really wanted to do. Throughout his whole life he had only ever had one scare but that was a long time ago. One scare was enough. He didn’t make that mistake again. Oscar thought about his own parents. It had been 25 plus years since his dad had passed. He remembered his old man well. His Dad was an ex service man. As far as Oscar could remember his dad had been in her majesty’s territorial army. It was what he was bred to do as his dad would say. He remembered living on different base sites all over the country. His dad was well respected and well liked. Always laughing, always joking, he was always happy. He had made it to the rank of Major when he had been injured on a training exercise. A parachuting incident in which a miscalculated landing impacted the upper part of his lumbar resulting in reduced function in his legs, hip and feet. Oscar remembered his dad saying he’ll be fine. It didn’t take him long to regain most of the function in his legs and he returned to work behind a desk. He wasn’t fit enough to return to full active duty which was where his heart was and It showed. He had many friends in high positions who managed to get Oscar’s dad early retirement with full pay and benefits but that was like a candied slap in the face. Being in the military was his livelihood. If there was no military, what was there afterwards? Wray & Nephew came afterwards. Oscar counted himself lucky. His dad was not an abusive, violent or aggressive alcoholic. He became an even happier, jokey and laughy person. Sleeping for long hours, telling the exact same stories over and over again. Giving his mum lots of hugs and kisses. Oscar was too young to realise that his dad was drinking himself into an early grave. That is what happens to a man who has his dreams taken away and can’t find a new dream to pour himself into. The dreamless melt away. Oscar couldn’t really remember what had happened to his dad before he died. He remembered being with his dad at the end but it was all a blur. His mum had died not too long after his dad. It was almost as if losing the love of her life had stripped her of her dreams too. She had lost the will to live. She went on until Oscar had finished school and in his final year of college she had lost a tremendous amount of weight. She wasn’t really eating or drinking. This carried on for while until one day she went to bed and Oscar had found her cold stiff corpse in the morning. The autopsy had discovered she suffered from a brain haemorrhage during the night. They said she wouldn’t have felt any pain or discomfort. Oscar smiled when he had heard this. He knew different. She had been living in pain since his dad had died. This was the relief. He had seen his mum in his dreams that night, she was fit, looked well and healthy. She had clasped his cheeks in her hands like she always did and ran down the road. There was someone waving in the distance. He recognised The uniform. Oscar tried to run too but the more he ran the further away he found himself from them. When he woke up his gut was rumbling as if he already knew what he was about to find. Oscar laughed to himself. A small internal laugh. One that Lily couldn’t hear. It was a weird feeling to come to, to be happy that your mother has passed away. Like living in this life was a nightmare for her. The longer she carried on without his father, the longer she would suffer and he had watched her suffer for many years. He watched her face when they would go out and she would see other couples holding hands, talking, kissing and embracing. Oscar would often do things to make her laugh and she would but the laughter would turn to a deeper sadness afterwards as she would say to him ‘you are just like your dad’. Oscar would hear her crying in her bedroom in the evenings. Not the kind of crying that Lily was doing now just the quiet red eyed sniffing crying. The kind where a mother pretends that there’s nothing wrong. ‘It’s just my allergies’ she would say. ‘You know I’m allergic to dust’. It seemed the older Oscar got the more the allergies affected his mother, especially as she said he was turning into the spitting image of his dad. When she had finally passed, Oscar often said that she had gone because dad had gone and she no longer wanted to be here. She did the very best a mother could have done. Oscar didn’t have time to properly grieve. Her life insurance kicked in and Oscar received a massive lump sum. The kind of money that if he wanted to and played it smart he could enjoy for the rest of his days without ever having to work. Their family home was also paid off by the insurance and unbeknown to Oscar at the time she had bought a large one bedroom flat in south London. More than enough space for a young 18yr old. After his mother’s cremation Oscar moved out of his childhood home and rented it out. It was too big for him and he felt an odd feeling living there by himself. He rented it out to a young couple expecting their second child. Oscar felt that his parents would be happy that another family could start up in their old home and after all he would be receiving 100 percent profit off the rent as the house was now his and the mortgage completed. His mum had really covered all the bases. She had also left his dads pension for him. He received that on a monthly basis. He remembered his mum’s smile in his dream. He watched them wave at him from a distance and walk off into the distance. The road they walked would turn into a beach. He stopped trying to run after them. He just smiled and looked on and felt the water on his feet. He watched them walk until they blended into the horizon with a short smile on his face.
Oscar suddenly woke up. He must have fallen asleep. His chest felt heavy. He looked down and Lily was still there smothered into his chest. The crying had stopped. He could hear deep breathing. He gently inflated his chest to take a look at her face. She had fallen asleep too. The warmth from their bodies made her sweat somewhat around her face, her blonde hair stuck to her forehead and cheeks. Oscar looked over to the kitchen towards the cooker. The electric clock showed 00:50. Almost 0100. Oscar eased himself out from under Lily, holding her firmly like a newborn. She stirred but didn’t wake. He walked into his spare room and came back with a large faux bear skin blanket and a few pillows. He opened up the blanket and covered Lily with it. Again he firmly lifted her head and placed two pillows under it. Luckily it was Friday night so she didn’t have school to worry about in the morning, he decided to let Lily sleep on his Sofa and would council her in the morning. He thought to make her a nice Jamaican breakfast. Salt Fish and Fried Dumplings. She’ll Like that.
Suddenly there was a faint knock at the door. Oscar walked towards the door. He thought about how this situation was going to play out. Oscar wasn’t sure how long he had fallen asleep for but hopefully it was long enough for heated tempers to have calmed down although the most heated one was fast asleep on his sofa. Oscar opened the door. To his surprise it wasn’t Lily’s mum. An incredibly tall, voluptuous woman stood in front of him. She was so tall in fact that she stood taller than Oscar in her high heeled shoes. She had a deep olive skinned hue to her complexion and dark curly hair that was tied backwards in a simple ponytail. A few long curly locks fell forward in front of her face. She wore a long black dress that accentuated her pear shape figure. She breathed out a long jet of smoke which filled the corridor with a sweet cinnamon jasmine mist. She casually dropped her vaping device into her hand bag, leaned forward kissing Oscar on the cheek, and hugging him.
“Sara.” He greeted her.
She stepped back hearing the surprise in his voice and seeing it on his face.
“Hello Oscar” she replied. Her eyes narrowed conscious of the fact that this wasn’t the usual greeting she would normally receive. “You forgot that I was coming round didn’t you?”
“Yes I did.” Oscar sighed.
“So why am I standing outside on your doorstep.” She hissed “you’re awake.I’m here. So what’s the problem.”
“I have a guest.” Oscar opened his front door wide and moved to one side.
Sara stepped into the doorway and looked towards the living room. She could see Lily’s sleeping body and bright blonde hair wrapped up on the sofa.
“Oscar I told you already I’m not doing a threesome.” She spun to face him, putting her free hand on her hip and shifted her weight to one side. Her bag arm bent, palm facing up with the bag dangling from the straps in her elbow crease.
“Sssssh” Oscar pressed his finger to her lips speaking softly. “This is not a flex. That’s Lily.”
“The next door neighbours kid?”
“Yes.”
“What is she doing here?” Sara backed up, giving Oscar a puzzled Look.
“Don’t be stupid.” Oscar caught Sara by the hand. “She had one big madness with her mum today and James walked out.”
“Oh my God.” Sara exclaimed. Looking over at Lily. “What the Dad’s gone gone?”
“Bags packed and everything.”
“Ahhhhh Bless Her.”
“Yeah. I’m gonna let her crash here tonight. Let things cool down.”
She moved towards him, pressing him up against the open door, rubbing the inside of his leg.
“I don’t think anything here is going to cool down tonight.”
“Noooooo.” He grabbed her hand. “She’s here on the sofa.”
“I’ll be quiet.”
“You’re Looooud.” He whispered Strongly. “You always make up bare noise. You’re the other reason I had to get this place soundproofed”
“I swear I’ll be quiet.”
“Ugh hm.” Oscar shook his head.
“We can play some music. She won’t hear us.” Sara started to kiss Oscar’s neck.
Play some music. That could work. Oscar thought.
Sara kissing on his neck was starting to arouse him. He let go of her hand so that she could continue doing what she had already started. Suddenly Lily mumbled and shifted on the sofa changing her position. Oscar froze, so did Sara. He held her tightly against him, restricting her movement. Both of them eyed Lily. She didn’t move again. Every adult’s worst nightmare is to be caught in the act by a child. Oscar quickly withdrew and pulled Sara outside into the corridor.
“Come link me tomorrow.”
“Fine.” Sara made a deep sigh and went into her handbag to retrieve her vape. She lent forward and kissed Oscar on both cheeks then walked down the corridor leaving a trial of mist behind her before disappearing into the lift. Oscar chuckled to himself. Before walking back into his flat he looked at Lily’s front door. It was slightly open. He wondered if Lily’s mum was ok. It was Late and she hadn’t come to collect her child. Oscar thought that it was strange she hadn’t even called or messaged him up until now.
Oscar walked up to the door and peeked inside. The living room was a mess. Not the kind of mess created by someone packing their things in a hurry or the kind of mess caused by someone looking for something, just the kind which had accumulated over a long period of time. Oscar pushed the door open. He could hear some rummaging around inside.
“Hello?” Oscar called
Nobody answered. He walked inside and caught a glimpse of her in the kitchen. It looked like she was rubbing something over her body. She hadn’t heard him calling. Oscar walked towards her not sure if it was actually her. He peered through the open kitchen door. She stood wearing butterfly decorated knickers and a blue tank top. Oscar tripped over some clutter. He slowly knocked the open kitchen door.
“Hellooooooo”
She jumped. Oscar’s strong voice startled her. It was the first time she noticed that he was there.
“Hey Oscar.” She smiled a crooked smile. She was preoccupied with something else although Oscar didn’t know what.
“Hey .” Oscar paused. “You know Lily is with me right?”
“Lily is with you. Yeah yeah.” She nodded her head.
“You know it’s like 1am in the morning right.”
“1am yeah yeah it’s a bit late.”
“Sooooo hmmmmm.” Oscar didn’t really know what to say. The conversation wasn’t exactly going how he expected it to. “So hmmmmm. Are you Ok.”
“So I’m ok. Yeah yeah. James left me. Lily called me a bitch but I’m ok.” Sam smiled and nodded her head.
Oscar didn’t know if that was an attempt of humour or something else. He felt that she was uneasy with him being around her, inside her flat. She continued moving around the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of white liquid, she was about to open it but then looked at Oscar almost as if she had forgotten he was there and placed the bottle in an open cupboard and closed it. After seeing the bottle Oscar suddenly recognised the smell from the previous encounter.
That’s what it was.
It had not registered to him what the smell was because they were in the hallway but now being in the kitchen he knew it exactly.
“What was you going to do with that bottle just now?”
“Hmmmmm nothing. Yeah yeah. Nothing.” She smiled then paused. “Unless you Want some?”
“To do what…..?” Oscar asked. He suddenly had an eerie feeling. “ Actually it’s ok. no thanks….”
Lily’s mum nodded her head with a smile. She suddenly looked to the side as if listening to something then she started to search around the kitchen. It wasn’t really clear to Oscar what she was looking for with such intent but Oscar didn’t feel right and wanted to leave.
“Well look, Lily is fast asleep on my sofa. I think both of you could do with a good sleep. How about you let Lily stay at mine tonight and i’ll send her home in the morning. Does that sound ok?”
Lily’s Mum paused. She looked straight at Oscar whispering something to herself. She smiled and nodded her head, her eyes started to well up with tears and some fell down her face. She nodded again and went back to what she was doing. Oscar watched her in the kitchen. He wanted to ask her if she was ok but he wasn’t sure if she was paying attention. He stepped towards her but she turned from him and waved her hand. She didn’t want anymore attention. That was Oscar’s cue to go. Oscar slowly made his way back out of Lily’s flat. As he left he slowly pulled the door close behind him and gave it a soft push to double check it was locked. Oscar thought for a moment. Should I knock again? He decided not to but something in him told him what to do. He walked back into his flat pushing the door closed and he continued into the living room, towards Lily sleeping on the sofa. Gently lifting the blanket he patted her pockets to find her mobile phone, gently took it out, placed the blanket back over her and made his way to his bedroom. He sat down on the floor next to his bed. He touched the screen to Lily’s phone. It was unlocked.
Call History…
The person he wanted to speak to was at the top of the list. He dialled it. She answered.
“Quam Quam Girl.”
“Hi Josie. It’s Oscar Lily’s neighbour…. Yeah listen this is very important. Is your mommy there……. Oh excellent. Can I have a quick word please?”
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