Rees sat in his office twirling his pen around on his work desk. He had three appointments assigned throughout the day but he had cancelled them, rescheduling them to later on during the week. He wasn’t currently in his right frame of mind. He was distracted. Unsettled. Rees thought it unprofessional and distasteful to sit by someone, trying to counsel them with their unsettled emotional issues when he was sitting there struggling with his own. Rees had planned to send some emails and catch up with other outstanding paperwork but he had done no such thing. He just sat at his desk twirling his pen. As Rees twirled the pen. He remembered how his new friend hand twirled his phone from across the street last night. Slow, calm and collective. Infact Rees thought it strange, suspicious and sinister of how his new friend calmly waited for him across the road. Without engaging Rees. Even when Rees sprinted towards him he didn’t move. Waiting for Rees to come into his striking distance, like some ambush predator slowly awaiting to catch his meal. Rees hadn’t slept well that night. He was extremely tired from the whole ordeal but shortly after falling asleep had dreamt about his parents and his childhood. A mixture of images half real half fantasy. He woke up constantly during the night making frequent trips to the front of the house and checking out the window, looking across the street and down both ends of the road. Double checking that no one was there. Fortunately as it was the weekend he didn’t have to get up early to go to the office. He spent time in bed with Lelani who slept soundly beside him, his arm under his head staring up at the ceiling, until he quietly crawled away and left for work. Rees was glad the boys weren’t home. Dropping them off at Lelani’s parents was the best thing he could have done last night. If Rees felt that they might be in danger or threatened last night could have played out completely different.
Coming to my house is threatening behaviour. Rees thought. How did he find out where we live?
He must have followed Lelani home from the party. Rees felt uneasy about a lot of things. He tried to remember how he left the party. Lelani had said that their new friend had come to her and given her his phone then left. Rees tried to remember. He couldn’t even remember leaving the bathroom, or the party, or even dropping off the boys. He had suffered from missing time. One minute he was on the bathroom floor the next minute he was driving around in his car. Rees continued to stare at his pen, still twirling it on his work table. Rees thought back to when he opened the door for Lelani last night when she had returned home. He was sure she said that she had tried to call him several times. Rees picked up his phone with his free hand and unlocked it. He checked his call logs. There were no missed calls from Lelani, which would make sense as she said their new friend gave it to her. Which he must have done as he stole it from Rees’ in the bathroom. How else would she have gotten it back? Rees shook his head. He must have misheard what she said. It was a real good thing that Lelani never went back with him. Rees analysed the scenario. It seemed that their new friend didn’t have any interest in Lelani at all. It was all about Rees. Rees had never been victim to a homophobic attack before. Not as an adult anyway. His first and last attack until now coming from his own father. This was different. He remembered how angry his father had been. In a state of emotional rage. The thought of Rees being a ‘fag under his roof’ was too much for his father to bear and he erupted accordingly. The attack last night was much different. Rees remembered his new friend’s face as he revealed the baseball bat. Smiling. This wasn’t a man who was having an emotional outburst. This was a man who was getting pleasure from stalking his prey. It was planned and calculated. If he was willing to bring a baseball bat to the fight. He was willing to use it. Rees started to reconsider phoning the police. His mind started to turn. Rees was not the kind of person who liked to be on the back foot. He felt exposed. Vulnerable. Especially when his new friend turned up outside his house. Was it just to taunt him.
Was he trying to encourage me to fight? Is his pleasure solely in trading fits with me?
Rees tried to dive into the mind of his new friend. It was natural for Rees to psychoanalyse people. Get into their mind. It also helped to calm him.
Rees thought back to the safety of the house. They had been burgled a few years prior. Rees had bought an expensive surveillance pack online, with digital camera to position around the house with motion sensors, remote wifi connection, the works but had never put it up. This seemed like a good reason to connect it. Rees considered his sons. Just as he thought about them his mobile beeted.
‘Hi babe, just asked mum 2 have the boys til sun. She said Yes. We can have a nice chill out 2nite. Wha U wanna eat l8tr? L x’
Rees smiled. Lelani was always on point with things. It was like she always put into action what he was thinking. She knew how his mind worked. Just as Rees was about to send his reply his office door knocked. Rees looked at the time. 1330 He had cancelled all his appointments for the day and no one was due to come in at this time anyway. There was security to the building so it couldn’t have just been anyone knocking. Rees peered through the stained glass in his office door. He recognised the shape of the person standing outside. Her short hair tied up in a ponytail, her slight slim stature. He could hear her mumbling something on the other side. Rees knew from the mumbling exactly who it was.
“Come in.”
Her silhouette didn’t make any attempt to enter his office. Rees watched her head turn to the side and the mumbling continued. Rees knew this client very well. He had been working with her for years. Rees summoned her again but she did not respond. Rees knew that she probably didn’ hear him. Rees stopped twirling his pen. Getting up from his desk he moved to his office door and opened it. His client jumped. She was looking to the side speaking in whispered tones. Rees didn’t look to the side of the door. He knew that there was no one there. This client was one of his longest suffering patients. One of his first ever patients. He had always found her fascinating. She had presented herself to her local mental health authorities many years ago but their assessment of her was that she was fully capable. She was of no threat to herself or others around her and was an active and productive member of society. She had detailed very elaborately that she heard voices in her head, even sometimes saw manifestations of these voices and as such was referred to Rees. On the surface She was a beautiful young woman, a professional with a normal and productive life with productive relationships but that was the tip of the iceberg. Under the water there was a humongous bulk of mass submerged in the dark depths that was slowly working it way to the surface. Lately she was starting to become a bit disheveled and she had a strange smell about her. Rees couldn’t quite put his finger on it but it was familiar. A smell that was sharp, strong and acidic but felt out of place on a human being. Rees had suspected that she was becoming increasingly unwell over the last few months and although he had cancelled her appointment she was here now and he always had time for her.
“Good afternoon.” Rees called again with more base in his voice. His client jumped and looked straight at him.
“Afternoon Dr. Martin.” She said. “Sorry to disturb you. I know that we rescheduled to another day but it was urgent.”
Rees went back to his desk and sat down. His client followed him, closing the door behind her.
“That’s ok. I’m sorry I couldn’t talk to you longer last night when you called.”
“Oh I’m so sorry. Dr Martin it was really late. I’m sorry if I woke you.”
“Oh no. It’s ok,I was awake but I was tired. I was just coming back from a party. I’d been drinking so I wasn’t in the right state of mind to be a counselor for you.”
“Oh I see. Well anyway?” She paused.
Rees noticed her start to mumble again. He had never seen her like this before. This was a new and recent development. It was unusual for this particular client to be so distracted. Although she had a long history of mental health issues, she had done a progressive job of dealing with her issue to the point where most people couldn’t recognise that she had any. Rees admired her composure throughout her battle. He had seen in her what he called real strength. A woman who fought daily with her internal demons. Rees had guided her, counselled her. He actually thought she should be an advocate for mental health. Showing people who maybe struggling with their own well being issues that it was possible to live normally, go to work, have hobbies, have a family while dealing with mental health. However this particular client didn’t want any attention. She just wanted to exist, quietly and happily in her own way.
“Dr Martin I need some more,” she asked.
Rees sat forward.
“How much have you had?” You should still have enough for another 2wks?”
Rees started to feel uneasy.
“I’ve finished them.”
What!” The uneasiness grew. Rees lowered his voice.
“You’re not supposed to take more than one per day. I told you that. You said that you’d be careful.”
“I know Dr Martin. I know. It’s just that they really work and when I take them it’s very quiet but after a while it gets noisy again but….” She hesitated. “The noise gets louder.”
“It gets louder?” Rees questioned.
“Yes. they come back louder and more aggressive.”
Rees realised that this might be a negative symptom of the new medication he was giving her. He had mild concerns about the side effects that might manifest but he had only considered physical ones. He had hoped that with the dose he had prescribed there would be minimal or no mental implementations. It now seemed like that was not the case.
“How are things at home?”
“Oh fine fine, everything is fine.” She smiled.
Rees knew her well enough to tell that she was lying. She had a habit of repeating certain words over and over again when she was feeling uncomfortable and in his experience she only felt uncomfortable when she was lying or when she was hearing voices. In this scenario it might be a bit of both. Rees had also noticed that she was looking particularly disheaved. This was another sign that she wasn’t faring too well. One of the tell tell signs for this client was a lack of personal hygiene when becoming unwell.
“Hmmmm. You sure things are ok at home?” Rees asked again.
“Yeah hmmm they’re fine.”
Rees eyed his client. That uneasy feeling that he had was growing bigger. Rees wasn’t sure if she was lying to him on purpose or if she was unaware that things were not fine with her right now. Being unaware of her current decline meant a relapse. He was also starting to worry about the new medication.
Maybe I shouldn’t have given it to her. Damn. This could be trouble.
Rees got up from his chair and went to a locked cabinet in the corner of his office. He pulled a set of keys from his pocket and unlocked one of the drawers. He removed a plain white box, relocked the drawer and sat back down at his desk. He put the box down in front of him. Almost instantly his client went to snatch it from his hands but he quickly withdrew.
“No.” He held it out of her reach. “You cannot get addicted to these. If you get addicted to this it will undo all the great progress that you have done up until now.”
“I’m not addicted to it. I swear. That medication is the best thing that you’ve given me. It makes everything better. I just need it.”
“You are not supposed to rely on these, ok. They are supposed to support you in dealing with your voices if you find you can’t cope but the main source of strength has to come from you.”
“Ok. I only use them as you’ve said. I promise.”
“You should have had at least 14 more tablets left over from the 30 I gave you. How many have you taken daily?”
“Maybe two a day.” She sighed, looking directly at the box Rees held in his hands. Rees looked at her with raised eyebrows and lowered his head to meet her gaze. She looked at him. Rees pulled a face as if to say tell me the whole truth. “Sometimes three maybe.”
“Sometimes three.” Rees repeated. He kept his composure in front of his client. Rees had learnt through his clinical experience that his emotional state and composure often could influence or lead that of his clients. He had learnt how to contain most of the vivid emotions that take over a man. Anger, pain, panic. It was only in the most extreme situations that he had an outburst or when he felt uncomfortable he would do his nervous laugh. He opened the white box in front of her and withdrew seven tablets. He opened a drawer underneath his desk and put the box inside.
“Ok I have 7 tablets here. That’s one weeks dose. I am not going to give you anymore until this time next week. If you take more than one a day and you run out then that will be your lot.”
Rees extended his hand. His client opened her hand underneath his to receive the goods but Rees paused. She looked back from his hands to his eyes then back to his hands again like a child eagerly awaiting a handful of sweets.
“And I’m coming to do a home assessment.”
“Ok that’s fine next weekend will be perfect.”
“Not Next weekend, now.”
She withdrew her hand and looked at him in surprise. She slowly started to mumble under her breath and looked to her left to a figure Rees couldn’t see. Rees called her name and she looked at him then looked back at her left.
“No Dr. Martin, I don’t think that’s a good idea. The place is messy. My daughter is going to be around and I don’t want her to see you because she’s going to start asking question?
“It’s the weekend and your daughter will be at her best friends house where she is every weekend, your partner will be out running and nobody will know that I was there. I need to do an assessment now otherwise I’m not going to give you this next course of medication and I’m going to put you back on your previous prescription.”
Rees met her intense eyes. He could tell she was weighing up her options. He knew she felt uneasy about him doing a surprise inspection but with this client once he entered her home he would be able to ascertain the next state of play. If she was really fine the house would be reasonably kept, clean and tidy. If she was struggling and her mental well being was overwhelming her the flat would resemble that of a construction site. She would be decorating and redecorating leaving things unfinished. Starting one project and stopping half way to commence with another. Rees knew that she knew he knew what to look for. Maybe she didn’t want to admit to anything. Rees understood that sometimes when a client has been making continuous progress it can be hard for them to admit a regression. To say that they need help when they have been doing so well but this was normal. Rees never understood why people found it so difficult to ask for help. To say that they’ve fallen and they need a hand to get back up onto their feet.
Humans aren’t perfect. in fact we are closer to imperfect. That’s what makes us human. Rees thought.
“Do you need a lighthouse?” Rees asked
This was Rees’ trigger word. He would ask his clients this question if they felt that they needed an intervention. If the deep waters of their mind had turned into a bursting squall beating their mental ferry on crushing overpowering waves reducing their emotional visibility to nothing Rees would light the lighthouse for them. Give them a point of focus for which to point the bow.
“No Dr. Martin, I’m fine really.” She answered.
“Ok then let’s Go.”
Rees withdrew his hand with the medication and dropped the pills into his shirt pocket. He got up and walked to his office grabbing a light jumper off the coat rack. His client started to protest but stopped as if she knew that her words would fall onto deaf ears. She got up and walked out the door. Rees followed and closed the office door behind him.
Rees walked out of the apartment block with his hands on his hips. He let out a deep sigh. It was worse than he thought. He wasn’t sure what he had expected to see but he knew that it wasn’t that. What he just saw from his clients house was much worse. The state of her apartment was terrible. He had tried something new with her. Something that he thought would work. Something that he thought would take her to the next step. Maybe even cure her but it had backfired and it was his fault. He needed to clean up his mess. She needed an immediate intervention. Maybe if she had been single he might have been able to let her continue but she had a dependant. Rees needed to think. He needed to go about this carefully. He needed to make sure that he had all his bases covered.
Rees started to make his way towards the office. He had arrived with his client on public transport. They had taken the bus. As he reached the edge of the building he caught a glimpse of a familiar face driving past. Panic and anger shot up into his throat from the depths of his stomach. It burned his chest as it erupted upwards.
What the hell. This Arsehole has followed me here. He’s followed me to work.
Rees quickly ducked behind the corner of the building and stuck his head out to watch. His eyes narrowed as he observed his new friend pull up to the building in an old ford coupe. It was definitely him. Rees wouldn’t forget his face anytime soon. His car even had his own personalised license plate. Rees hated it. He hated his new friend’s name, not for the name itself, it was a lovely name but he hated the fact that his new friend shared the same name as his youngest son. It infuriated Rees. This nasty individual didn’t deserve to share the same beautiful name as his son. Rees wanted to erase that name from him. Give him a name that was more fitting for who he was.
The Bastard.
Rees wanted to turn the tables on him. Put it on him. Even though he had followed him to work Rees was confident that he hadn’t noticed him as he drove past. He had been inside with his client for around 15-20min. Maybe his new friends had lost track of him and was now in search. The car pulled outside of the clients building.
Damn it. How does he know where to go?
Panic and anger started to become more intertwined. Anger because Rees wanted revenge. He wanted payback for the last two encounters but the panic made him hesitant in this situation. Rees did not want this to spill into his work life. He especially did not want to drag his client into a bad situation when she was on the verge of a breakdown down. His new friend got out of his car. Simultaneously another person exiting the building acknowledged him. They greeted each other and bumped fists. Rees squinted his eyes and cocked his head as best he could to try and catch some sound of the conversation that started between the two but they were too far away. Rees could only see their mouths moving and he had zero schooling in lip reading.
They know each other.
Rees’ panic started to die down in his throat and slowly slide down his chest, cooling the burning sensation that was there but the anger still remained. A new feeling started to bubbly up from the depths of his loins and brew with his anger. It left a strange, sticky, bitter sweet taste in his mouth. Anger and excitement calling for revenge. Rees watched the two partake in brief chit chat then the acquaintance left. The building door closed shut. Rees watched eagerly. His new friend went back to his car and opened the passenger door. He removed a number of shopping bags from the passenger seat and kicked the door closed.
He has shopping bags. He lives here.
Rees watched as his new friend approached the building door. Rees licked his lips. That taste in his mouth turned more sweet than bitter. The building had a secure door. It was locked. One would either need a code, an electric key or to be buzzed in to enter. His new friend still holding his shopping in his hands approached the security panel and pressed against it with his chest. Nothing happened. His new friend adjusted a light thin jacket that he was wearing, edging something that was hidden inside his inner pocket towards the electric sensor. He pressed his body against it again. The sensor beeped green and the door unlocked. Rees let out an excited laugh and covered his mouth. He watched as his new friend pulled the door open and disappeared inside.
He lives here. He lives here. Oh how the tables have turned.
Rees looked at the car again. He took a long mental note of it. It was a lovely 1960 ford mustang. A really small car but beautiful to look at and it was kept in mint condition. A classic. A collectors item. Rees knew that it was the kind of thing that someone would take a lot of pride and joy over. One of life’s many pleasures for a man was his toys. This car was definitely one of his pleasures. Rees chuckled to himself and started to walk away from the building.
It would be a shame if anything happened to my new friend’s car. If someone were to vandalise it.
Rees knew exactly what he was going to do and he knew exactly when he was going to do it. He was going to come back tonight. Just how his friend had followed him to his house he was going to get some payback. Rees was going to kick the paint off of that beautiful car just like how he had been kicked the night before. Rees backed up behind the building. He wanted to walk home so that he could plot his revenge. He knew this area. It wasn’t far from where he lived, maybe 30min walk. Rees realised that this was the direction his new friend had walked in the other night when he had walked away so calmly from the front of his house with a baseball bat in hand. Rees smiled to himself. He would do the same tonight. Walk round to his new friends car and smash it to pieces. That would be his new friend’s karma. As Rees continued down the side of the building, he fell upon an area where the waste bins were kept. There was a group of young boys in their early teen graffiting the wall. Rees stopped for a moment, his first instinct was to dispatch the young boys who were wearing hooded jumpers but had all their hoods down, not even attempting to hide their identities. Rees hated the deformation of public property. The cleaning of it came out of taxpayers money. Money that came from the local council which dipped into his budget but Rees couldn’t help but stop to admire the artwork of the young group. The youngsters definitely had talent. Talent that would be better showcased on the body of a car and not the side of a building. Rees smirked to himself.
“Hey guys.” Rees called for the attention of the group. They stopped. They didn’t run. They just watched Rees like he was some kind of nuisance disrupting their important work.
“Sup Boomer.” One called out in reply.
“Boomer.” Rees echoed back. He shook his head. Rees was in his thirties. He wasn’t even close to the baby boomer generation this youngster had labelled him into.
“That’s some damn good work.” Rees waved at the tapestry with his hand. “Real nice.”
The youngster that had answered him looked around at the others. The others looked back at him. He stopped spraying and made his way towards Rees.
“You guys wanna earn some money?” Rees pulled out his wallet from his back pocket and opened it up. He had £300 pounds inside. He pulled it out and held it up into the air.
At the sight of the money the group swarmed around Rees in excitement like hungry pups who had just been brought a slab of fresh meat to dine on. Rees raised it higher.
“Are you guys on this ting?” Rees changed his speech. He grew up in the area. He knew how to speak the local lingo.
“How much is there fam?” One youngster called out.
“3Bills.”
They all jumped around in excitement. Rees could see that they were no more than 13 or 14 years old. The lead youngster kept his composure. He spoke up clear and strong. He was the alpha of the pack.
“Ok boomer. We might be on it but it depends what you want us to do?”
Rees mentioned directly to the alpha and quickly ran back to the corner of the building where he was standing. The youngsters followed him like eager puppies. Rees peaked round the corner and nodded towards the car. They all followed his gaze.
“You see that car.”
“Car is sick fam.”
“Yeah, it is sick rude boy but it belongs to some wasteman. Who attacks people because their sexual oriention.”
“What….” One youngster answered
“Becasue they’re gay fam.” The alpha answered.
“Exactly.” confirmed Rees.
“I want you man to graf the whole car.”
They all erupted, some were protesting, some were confirming that it was an easy job, others were indecisive. Rees shushed them. Although his friend had gone inside with the groceries he didn’t want to draw attention to himself or the new group around him.
“Why are you on this?” The alpha looked Rees over with a suspicious eye the noticed the red bruise on Rees’ neck. “It’s not that he attacks people. He attacked you!”
Rees smiled. He was starting to like this young alpha. He was smart and he had a sense of carissma about him. Rees nodded. The Alpha nodded back and looked at the car.
“Ok boomer. We’ll do it for you. Were on dis equal rights ting.”
When do you want us to do it?”
“Now.”
“Nowwwwwww!” They all erupted in unison then started to protest.
“Nah man. It’s broad daylight.” Protested one.
“My guy wants us to go pen. Everyone can see. You aint thought this one through my guy.” complained another.
He was right. Rees hadn’t thought this one through but he had this feeling of excitement and revenge in his throat. He couldn’t help himself and this spontaneous situation had just been presented. Rees felt like this was the time to seize it. Rees didn’t want to incite the youngsters to doing destructive things but this was for a good cause and sometimes in life good causes lead into destructive measures. Rees held up the £300. He was going to sweeten the pot.
“Ok. check this one time. There’s five of you yeah.” Rees pulled out his business card and gave it to the Alpha. “ That’s my card. You man go now. Graf the whole car. I want you to write homophobe. Dickhead, wasteman the works, all kinds of madness. One of you film it. I want that shit later.” He gave the £300 to the Alpha. “And you come and buck me later and collect another £200.”
At hearing the promise of another £200 they all jumped up and down in excitement. All of their hoods came up over their heads. Some took out scarfs from their pockets and wrapped it around their mouths to help conceal their identities. Now was the time to hide their faces.
“It’s on.” answered the alpha.
“Oh and two two’s, don’t get caught.” Rees warned. “Any of you get caught no £200.”
The alpha extended a closed fist towards Rees who answered it by bumping his closed fist against it. One of the youngsters, the tallest and skinniest one took out his mobile phone and prepared to take the video. With the alpha at the lead, spray cans at the ready, they sent upon the car like a pack of hyenas. Laughing and calling out to each other while the tallest one hung back filming. Rees leaned on the corner of the building with the largest of grins on his face and watched them go to work. He watched with pleasure as youngsters detailed the car quickly and efficiently. He was surprised at the quality of their work at the speed that they sprayed. These boys had real talent. The alpha drew up an elaborate picture of a penis grown from a mans head. As he went to work the camera guy circled around him. The alpha added his own commentary.
“Equal rights bitch. We ain’t inna dat bun chi chi talk no more.”
Passers by stopped to spectate what was going on. They in turn pulled out their own mobile phone and started to record the events unfolding before them. Rees smiled. He was really enjoying what was happening in front of his eyes.
Whoever said revenge is bittersweet didn’t know about this. Rees thought.
There was nothing bitter in this for Rees. The taste in his mouth was all sweet. As he watched on, his phone suddenly rang. He looked at his phone. The number appeared on his screen but it wasn’t a contact that he recognised. He answered it smiling while watching the youngster.
“Hello. Dr. Martin speaking.”
“Hi Dr. Martin. This is PC Thompson. I’m calling you in regards to a situation we’ve been alerted to regarding one of your clients.”
Rees’ smile faded away. Now came the bitter part.
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