Maybe you should start cooking the dinner or get something on for your daughter. Don’t worry so much about the mess in here. We can clean it another time. She won’t mind if it’s a bit messy either. Kids are messy.
“She thinks I’m a beast. She hates me.”
She loves you and yes she hates you. She’s a teenager. That’s how teenagers feel during puberty. Love and hate simultaneously. You were no different at her age was you?
“She’s completely different from me. She’s soooo smart, charismatic and beautiful.”
So were you. So are you.
“No, I’m not. I’m haggard. I’m getting old.”
You’re 36 that’s not even middle aged. You’re not even 40 yet.
“That’s easy for you to say. You’re beautiful.”
Yes, It’s easy for me to say because I am beautiful and it’s easy for me to be beautiful because I am you.
Sam looked over from the living room sofa. She straddled its arm with her legs parted over both sides, holding a clump of scrunched up wallpaper in one hand and a dry hardened paint roller in the other. Sam looked at the woman who spoke to her. She was extremely beautiful. Dirty blonde hair tied back in a ponytail, a black off the shoulder top with red glittered writing across the chest spelling ‘sexy’ and light blue stone washed ripped jeans. Sam saw that she had an incredible figure. She was slightly more meatier than Sam’s current figure but she had all the right curves in all the right places. The perfect figure. The kind of figure Sam always wished she had.
“Mas…. U really are so beautiful.”
I’m not anything different from what you look at every morning in the mirror Sam.
“I bet if James saw you he’d want to be with you forever. He’d leave me in a heartbeat if he saw you.” Sam threw the scrap wallpaper over to Mas who caught it. Sam watched Mas look around the room as if not knowing where to start the difficult job of tidying up.
Stop it Sam. James does see me. He sees me everyday when he looks at you. That’s why he’s still here.
“Maybe he should leave then.” Sam looked down at the paint roll in her hand. “He setting himself up for extreme disappointment if he’s sticking around hoping that one day you’ll pop up. It’ll never happen.”
Oh behave. It will happen when you want it to happen Sam. All you need to do is take my hand.
Mas held out her hand towards Sam. Sam looked at her hand.
“If only it was that simple.” Sam whispered. Take her hand then everything will be perfect. She’ll be living her best life. Become the best version of herself.
It is this simple Sam. You only thing you need to do is take it. I’ll do the rest.
Sam extended the paint roller that she held in her hand and rolled it against Mas’ hand.
“It’s not that simple Mas. Believe me, It’s not.” Just as Mas was about to reply Sam suddenly shot up off the arm of the sofa. “Shh, can you hear that Mas?”
Mas cocked her head to one side to listen.
What are you listening to? What does it sound like?
Sam listened intently to what she heard. It was a faint constant sound.
“It sounds like something……. burning.”
Burning.
Sam noticed Mas’ facial expression change and she straightened up her head. Mas started to wade through the mess in the living room, heading for the kitchen. Sam looked to where Mas was headed.
“Mas I said something is burning!”
Nothing is burning Sam. Let’s just get the dinner ready.
“Don’t you believe me? I’m telling you something is burning. I can hear it.”
I believe you Sam. You can hear something. In Fact I know you can hear something but I assure you nothing is burning. That’s not the sound of a fire that you can hear.
Sam followed Mas into the kitchen. She dropped the painter roller on the floor.
“What do you mean it’s not a fire? If it’s not a fire then what is it?”
It doesn’t matter Sam. I don’t want you to focus on the sound that you can hear. Ignore it. It doesn’t do you any favours. Let’s just try to forget about that sound and start making the dinner. Lily will be home soon.
Sam looked at Mas straight in her eyes.
“You know exactly what it is don’t you?”
Sam didn’t see or hear any kind of physical or verbal response from Mas. Mas simply returned her stare. Sam knew the answer. Mas didn’t need to reply. Sam started to feel an itchy crawling sensation on her forearm. She scratched it without looking. Mas propped herself against the kitchen counter crossing her legs while standing up. She leaned backwards supporting herself with her hands palm down holding onto the edge of the counter. Sam felt at ease around Mas. Her soft words always brought light to Sam’s dark feelings. Sam looked back into the living room while continuing to scratch her forearm. She thought back to when Mas had extended her hand to her.
Why didn’t you take my hand Sam? I always extend my hand to you. I just want to help you Sam. You know I love you so much. More than life itself but you never trust me. Let me take the lead while you rest for a while.
Mas’ words echoed in Sam’s mind. Sam wanted to rest. She was constantly tired and she believed every word that Mas said. Mas did love her, Sam knew this much. She wondered if she should let Mas take the lead for a while. Then she could rest. Sam liked the thought of this. She did want to take Mas’ hand, let her take the lead but Sam was scared. She was scared that if Mas took the lead she might not want Mas to stop. She might want Mas to continue. Sam felt so excited about watching the world through Mas’ eyes. Sam believed the world would become so beautiful and colourful that it would almost seem like Sam had never really looked at it before. Maybe through Mas she’d be looking at the world for the first time. Sam couldn’t come back from that. Just like how one can’t go back to watching an old black and white tv after watching a film in colour. Sam didn’t want Mas to continue. The more Mas spoke the more she started to suck Sam in with her euphoric words. The words reverberated through her. Sam continued to scratch her forearm. Sam wanted to forget those enticing words. Words that drew her farther away from herself.
“Maybe I could give you a chance?” Sam asked “You could start to make something for Lily to eat. You’re right, She’ll be hungry soon.”
Mas smiled. Sam suddenly felt something soft and slimy on her skin where she’d been scratching, just as she was about to look down at her forearm a jet of ashy smoke squirted into her face.
You better get the food on for that brat little shit of a girl you call child. Hey… hey… you listening to me? You cook the food and I’ll poison her, the little bitch. I can’t believe that she’s survived for so long when all your other little eggs died in your womb. Lucky little shit, that Lily. I’ll get her one of these days…… Why won’t you let me kill her like I killed the others. I’ll do it quickly. I promise. The little rat won’t know what hit her. Pahahaha…
The laughter soon mingled with lung curdling rasping coughs. Sam couldn’t tell which one came more often between the two. The sudden jet of smoke had startled Sam and she flew backwards, pressed against the opposite wall, huddling down, trying to get out of danger. She sat crouched on the floor, knees up to her chin, back up against the cupboards. It was instinct that took her to that position. Just in the same way someone shuts their eyelids tight when they see an object flying through the air towards their face or how one might duck for cover when they hear a loud thundering bang in the close distance, so too did Sam’s body reflexively react. Sam pressed her hands against her ears to try and deafen the snarling hiss of the old snake standing opposite to her. Sam looked around for Mas but Mas had gone. Mas never stayed around when this snake reared her ugly head, about to spray her serpentine venom in Sam’s ears. Covering them didn’t have any effect. It never did but it’s what Sam always did when the old hag came hissing. Another instinctive reaction. Sam looked up at the old snake who stood opposing her. The old snake glowered at Sam while calmly leaning against the same counter where Mas had been standing, legs crossed, arms propping herself up with palms face down holding the edge of the counter. In her left hand she held a burning cigarette between her index and middle fingers. The old snake put it to her lips and took a long deep draw. Sam watched her with a long familiar hatred. A hatred that Sam had maintained for the longest time. It never dissipated. It only became more comfortable to hold onto the more Sam harboured it. The old snake glowered back. The same amount of hatred reflected back at Sam. Sam had never killed anyone in her lifetime or hurt someone nor did she ever want to; but if she could hurt or kill someone, if she had license to kill anyone, It would be her. The old snake took another deep pull of her cigarette.
“Ms Marsy I’ve told you so many times stop smoking in my fucking kitchen.” Sam quietly hissed. She didn’t want anyone to hear her. As she cursed at the old snake she quickly lifted her bum off of the kitchen floor and peered over the counter. No one in the house was around or aware of what was going on.
Make me.
Ms Marsy took another deep pull of her cigarette, lent over to get closer to Sam and blew a long jet of smoke towards her face. Sam coughed and choked in the cloud of toxic ash that suddenly filled her face and lungs. She waved her hands around, trying to quickly disperse the smoke. She looked at Ms Marsy and snarled. Ms Marsy snarled back. Bearing darkened yellowish brown teeth that were stained with decades of nicotine and tar. Years of unchecked gingivitis encased the teeth in blood stained bruised black gums. Sam withdrew her glare in disgust. She couldn’t bear to look at Ms Marsy hideous teeth. She could just about bear to look at Miss Marsy herself. The old snake stood tall against the kitchen counter. She was taller than Sam. Her pale white skin crackled with wrinkles throughout her whole body. She wore an even paler foundation on her face and highlighted her haggard lips with a bright red lipstick which partly smudged onto her teeth also. However Sam couldn’t tell the difference between which red was smeared cosmetics or which was dried blood from her bleeding gums. Bright blue eyeshadow highlighted her eyelids in monstrous amounts. Sam believed she used so much eyeshadow to disguise her hideous serpentine eyes. Eyes that were more elliptical than round. Fitting eyes for the old snake. Sam hated the sight of her. The image of a circus clown crossed with a japanese geisha always entered Sam’s mind when she saw Ms Marsy’s face. Ms Marsy hair also resembled that of a clown. Standing out on end like some cartoon character who had just received an electric shock. Various strands of grey, white and black rippling through her hair.
“One day, Ms Marsy, I’m going to kill you!”
At hearing this while taking another pull of her cigarette Ms Marsy tossed her head back and wailed with laughter. Smoke gushing out of her nostrils while she cackled away. Sam pressed her fingers to her lips and shushed the old snake as strongly as she could without being heard. She peered over the kitchen counter again but no one was around.
I wish you would kill me and put me out of my misery. 20yrs I’ve been stuck with you. How different your stinking life would be if you’d only listened to me. Took the advice that I’ve been giving you for years. But you just won’t listen to me will you you stupid snatch.
Sam turned her head away from Ms Marsy. She was reaching her limit with her. The stress was becoming too much. Her skin continued to itch and crawl.
Look at your arm child.
Sam looked at her arm like Ms Marsy instructed. She gasped but quickly muffled her own scream by covering her mouth. She turned her head to the side, squeezing her eyes shut and pinching her lips together with her fingers to prevent her from crying out loud. Sam panted and slowly opened her eyes. Ms Marsy shook her head. Sam mustered up the courage to look back at her arm. It was crawling. Little white botfly larvae burrowed their way into her pores. Hundreds of them burying their heads into her. They had made a home from her flesh. Sam desperately tried to pick at them, one by one, evicting them from their lodgings but the more she picked at them the faster others arrived in their stead. Sam’s hands trembled. She hated maggots. She found them disgusting. They were nature’s horror show, nature’s dustbin. Cleaning up whatever rotting flesh nature chose to consume.
Maybe they are eating you because you’re rotten? It wouldn’t be a surprise to me though. Everything else inside of you is rotten.
Sam started to panic. The Maggots were increasing in numbers and we’re moving up from her forearm to her biceps then up to her shoulders and neck. She clawed at them. Ms Marsy watched on in amusement. She took half a drag from her cigarette and chuckled the rest away. Laughing and coughing. Relishing in Sam’s torture as Sam frantically continued to claw at the hundreds of maggots now swarming over her face. Her body shook with terror.
Over here child.
Ms Marsy motioned with a nod of her head to a clear white jar on the kitchen Counter. Sam dashed over, reaching up for it. She fingered around the counter, trying to grab the glass until finally her fingertips caught hold of its cold smooth surface. Sam secured it, quickly bringing it down to her level. She opened the lid and poured the clear white liquid onto her hands, rubbing the strong acidic liquid all over her body. She rubbed it profusely over her arms, shoulders, neck and face. All the places that were infested with maggots.
Rub it in good, child. That’s the stuff, it will kill all those maggots. It’s good stuff that is. In my day we used to clean the windows and unblock the kitchen drains with it.
“I don’t need to listen to youuuuuuuuu. Sam glared at Ms. Marsy while she worked away rubbing her skin. I only need to listen to my husband and my daughter.”
It would pay you well to listen to meeeeee. But you won’t….will you…..? Well carry on. Continue to play mummy to that little slut and carry on playing wife to that pathetic excuse for a man you call your partner.
Sam bit her lip. She didn’t have anything else to say to the old snake hissing in her ears. She quickly crawled across the floor to another part of the kitchen and reached up to a corner draw. She opened it and withdrew a small white box. Ms Marsy recoiled at the sight of the white box. Hissing defiantly. Both her hands pressed against the edge of the counter as her head swayed from left to right light a cobra that poised and ready to strike.
What the fuck are you doing? I told you before. We don’t know what that is. It’s dangerous.
“It gets rid of you.”
You’re getting addicted to it.
“No I’m not.”
Yes you are because you’re weak. You’ve always been weak. That’s why I’m around. To keep you strong.
“It doesn’t do a damn thing to keep me strong. She keeps me strong.”
Ms Marsy hissed again. Leaning forward baring all of her stained teeth again. She flicked her cigarette at Sam. Sam held up hands and shielded herself from it. It bounced off her arm and landed on the floor. Sam started thumbling with the box, her hands trembling. Opening it she poured out one pill of the medication into an open hand.
Are you some sort of fucking cretin? Think about why that idiot doctor gave you unlabelled medication? Is it even medication? I don’t think so, it feels like something different.
Sam couldn’t bear to listen to Ms Marsy’s poisonous words much longer and with a sudden look of defiance in her face, Sam snatched one pill into her mouth, threw her head back and swallowed. Ms Marsy recoiled back, puffing and hissing loudly like a puff adder set to strike. She launched off the kitchen counter towards Sam. Her fangs dripping, darken red and clear saliva dribbling down the centre of her bottom lip, ready to bury themselves into Sam’s warm flesh. Sam squeezed her eyes shut while covering her face with her arms and waited for the blow. Nothing came. She slowly opened her eyes, peered through the creases of her arm shield. The kitchen was empty. Sam slowly peered around looking into the crevasse of the kitchen corners to see which hole Ms Marsy had slithered into but she couldn’t see any sign of her. Sam let out a deep sigh and sat with her legs crossed on the kitchen floor. She heard a room door creak open and strong foots made their way closer to the kitchen.
“Sammy.” A strong male voice called out.
Sam tried to stand up but she couldn’t, she felt exhausted. It took a lot out of her battling with Ms Marsy. A head peered through the kitchen serving hatch. It was her partner.
“Sammy.” He called in alarmed tones seeing her seated on the floor. He rushed around the counter, through the kitchen door and crouched beside her. She looked at him with relief. She knew that she was safe with him. He would look after her. He always looked after her. He was always there when she needed him. Sam looked at his face as he came close to her. She wanted to say something but it felt like an even greater effort for words to come out of her mouth.
“Ms Marsy?” He asked.
She nodded. She didn’t have to say anything more. James wasn’t much taller than Sam but he was well defined. He was a well seasoned runner with an athletic build and well defined muscles that hid his age. He wasn’t as young as Sam but most who met him mistook him for a younger man. Sam clasped her arms around his neck and he scooped her up into his arms. Sam was of a slight build so for James this was an easy feat. Sam felt her eyes becoming heavy open.
“Did you take your meds?” James asked.
Sam nodded as she nestled her forehead into the crease of his neck. He kissed her on the cheek as he carried her into the bedroom. The tiredness came from both the emotional energy drained from fighting Ms Marsy and as a residual side effect from taking the medication. It’s effects acted quickly on Sam, especially when she had an empty stomach. As her partner carried her effortlessly in his arms, she started to feel her body become lighter like floating on air. Floating more and more away from the stress of Ms Marsy. Sam struggled to keep her eyes open now. She was starting to feel good inside but extremely sleepy. She hated that the medication had this double affect on her. She wanted to feel good while she was awake and not fall asleep. As James put her onto their soft bed she smiled, sprawling out like a cat just waking from a long nap. James folded the duvet around her, wrapping her up like a sandwich. He knew that she would be asleep soon. Sam watched him while he looked her over and stroked her blonde hair away from her face. She wanted to say something to him. She spoke but no words came out. She smiled and giggled to herself. The room started swirling with multiple colours. Sam felt like her bed was made up of soft clouds. Cotton clouds that enveloped her whole body. She raised her hand and looked at it. She’d never seen such a colourful hand before. She was amazed at all the different patterns and textures that came to life in her skin. The small hair follicles on the back of her hand stood out like giant tree branches that seemed to grow larger and larger the longer she stared at them. Sam looked down at her forearm. The maggots had gone. The old snake was right, it did work. She turned her palm towards herself to see if there were any hairs growing there. Sam giggled to herself again. She used her finger tip from her opposite hand to trace the flexion creases in her palm. She brought her palm closer to her face so that she could take a good look. The creases looked like great canyon crevasses in her skin detailing a magnificent structure that was embedded into her everyday grip. Sam giggled and pressed her palm over her face. It was bright inside her bedroom. It was hard for Sam to tell if it was getting late. The sun was still up. The London summer sun can shine bright late into the hours of the night. Sam wrapped the duvet over her head and rolled onto her side. Her eyes were extremely heavy now. It was a struggle for her to keep them open. She heard the bedroom door squeak closed but she never heard the final thud of the door closing completely. She knew James would leave the door slightly ajar so that he could peek into watch over her while she slept. Sam closed her eyes. She was enjoying this feeling. She wondered what she would dream about when she finally drifted asleep.
Are you going to bed now Mummy?
Sam opened her eyes and scanned the side of the room which she faced. She tried to lift her head but she couldn’t. In the corner of the room stood a small girl with blonde pigtails. She was the size of a 13yr old dressed in a school uniform. White shirt tucked into a black and blue checker skirt with a matching black and blue tie. A black felt hat with blue ribbon nestled comfortable on her head.
“Ivy.” Sam whispered. Smiling.
Don’t fall asleep now mummy. I haven’t seen you in ages. I was hoping that you’d spend some time with me.
Sam desperately tried to lift herself up but it was to no avail. Her head barely managed to escape the mattress. Sam felt like she was trying to raise a 50kg kettlebell with her neck. Her head crashed back down. Tears started to blur her vision as she tried to reach her hand out for her daughter. The kettlebell transferred itself from her head to her hand.
No worries mummy. I can stay here until you wake up.
Ivy sat down in the corner of the room much like how Sam had sat down in the kitchen. Sam watched her start to play with her hair, twirling her pigtails around with her fingers.
“You have such beautiful hair Ivy. Who did your pigtails for you?” She asked
You did silly. You always do my hair in the mornings before I go to school.
“Did I.” Sam whispered. “I must have forgotten. Do You like your hair….?”
Sam struggled to finish her sentence. She couldn’t remember the last time Ivy had come to see her. It had been a long time since her last visit.
Lily has grown really big now hasn’t she?
Sam nodded.
I can see that you give her a lot of freedom. She plays outside a lot too. In the hallway. Chatting to that one neighbour all the time. He’s a really nice guy. If it was me would you allow me to have so much freedom mummy?
Sam opened her mouth to answer but nothing came out. She tried to force a smile but it quickly crumbled away. A few tears dripped down the side of her face.
You always love Lily more than me mummy. That’s why she’s here and I’m not because you chose her over me.
Sam squeezed her eyes shut trying to force Ivy out of her sight and out of her mind, however when she opened them again Ivy was still there.
“I never chose Lily over you. I loved you both equally.”
I can see you’re tired mummy. Get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.
Sam smiled. Ivy smiled back. Ivy got up off the bedroom floor and walked towards the door, walking outside of Sam’s field of vision. Sam smiled to herself again and heard the sound of the bedroom door softly click shut.
“James?” Sam whispered, there was no answer. “Ivy must have closed it. She’s such a good girl Ivy. The best daughter a mother could ask for.”
Sam fell asleep before her eyes had a chance to close. They stayed half open looking into the corner of the room while she slept.
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